The student cello recital took place Sunday in NY. How did it go?
The duet. Not as well as I'd wanted, if I'm going to be honest. I have played it better. But having said that, it probably came over better than I imagine. (I hope.) There is truth to the addage, "We're our own worst critic."
I was on edge after missing a "turn" (Gruppetto) which leads into an arpeggio which, due to the bad launch, didn't fare so well either. After that my playing felt stiff and unpredictable. I found it hard to relax which caused further minor flubs here and there. Sounds horrible, doesn't it! It wasn't quite that bad, just not as good as I'd hoped. The performance aspect of it gave me just enough pressure to cause the stiffness which made the 'turn' fall flat.
In hindsight it makes sense that I had difficulty with the 'turn' because I had started to notice a problem with it during my last few practices. For some reason I didn't take the 5-10 minutes required to slowly work it through. Maybe I felt pressured to work on some of the more challenging parts of the music. Yes, I think so. There was a lot to work on. But lesson learned. Experience is a hard teacher.
After the recital we all met for light refreshments and some fellow students told me I played well. I'll take their word for it.
I had a piano teacher who once explained that in a recital or competition or other performance situation, someone comes out on top, someone comes out on bottom. Sometimes we are on the top, and sometimes we are on the bottom. It's OK to come out in the middle, or on the bottom, or on the top. Someone has to. Every possibility can be a growth opportunity.
A few months ago I was watching the winter Olympics on TV and seeing athletes -- the best in the world -- come crashing down and making 'mistakes'. I made a note to myself then to remember that when it came time for this recital. You win some, you lose some, you pick yourself up and grow.
I'm quite proud and happy about certain aspects of the recital. For one, my nerves leading up to the moment when I walked on the stage were fairly good. An occasional flutter in the stomach that I was able to subdue by breathing. I can't remember if I've ever felt that confident before a performance before. So I consider this quite major progress, no matter the outcome of the performance.
It's hard though, isn't it? When something comes out a little below our expectations. Yes, I was a little disappointed. Will simply have to get up and do it again.
The Bach. This went better. Coming out overall about par with my practices. At the end of it I thought my bow was getting a little shaky, but someone told me it wasn't noticeable. I was, however, feeling the stress in my shoulders. The shakiness of the duet was bearing down. Must remember to breathe.
It was only a student recital. The "public" wasn't there. I think my playing reflected where I'm at at this stage in my development as a cello player. There is some discussion about having more frequent recitals and I hope so, because the more one does it the easier it becomes.
I have it in mind to try to start an amateur classical musicians society up here. There's one in NYC I used to go to. Once a month there is a recital for anyone who wants to sign up and play for fellow amateurs. It's a great way to get performance practice. I have to give it some thought.
Today was a Skype lesson day and we discussed new repertoire. Perhaps Saint Saens' "The Swan", or a Sonata by Eccles.